So drunk its hurt
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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