I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
