I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
