marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
