My nipple is on Facebook.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
