you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
