i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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