Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
