I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
COCAINE IS GR8
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