I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
