oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
