That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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