I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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