38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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