you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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