i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
