And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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