the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
