I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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