maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
