We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
