So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Its about making memories worth repressing
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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