i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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