Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
