I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
