he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
