She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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