The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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