Cold hands, warm shart.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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