He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
