it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
