Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
