Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
