Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

someone threw a dead crab at me

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(443): View more from Maryland

8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..

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(507): View more from Minnesota

Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club

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(312): View more from Illinois

He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game

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(772): View more from Florida

I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..

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(314): View more from Missouri

Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs

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(912): View more from Georgia

Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂

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