suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
