Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
