Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
