Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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