my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You don't make any sense
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