Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
