just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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