I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
