You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
