she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
