i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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