Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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