I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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