i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
