if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
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So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
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I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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