i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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