people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
