is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
