I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm having to shit out rocks
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
