i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
