It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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