I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
