Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
