Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
