she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
