we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
