I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
