I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
