Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
