My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
