he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
