Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
