we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
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I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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