she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's rum buckets o'clock
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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