apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
