I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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