i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
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Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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