my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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